The Anatomy of Love – its deconstructed form and renewal
Mid Nov. 2016 I was in Greece helping coordinate a mass dental – medical – vision clinic for refugees from Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq and Iran. I was stopped mid week while walking alone through the camp by a group of seven 20-30 yr. old Islamic men. While their spokesman placed his hand over his heart, he said while beating his chest “Thank you, thank you, thank you. Most give us things or money. We don’t need things or money. You’ve come and give of yourselves. We thank you from our hearts.”
The last message from heaven to this dying world will be the message of God’s true selfless love, fully displayed (to make visible, to unfold, to open out) through His people. Some will say what of going to church, forgiveness, the cross, the resurrection, the 10 Commandments, the Creator’s day of rest, the Laodicean message, the 3 angels messages, the second coming. —Yes, true they also are last messages. Yet TRUTH in any form, spoken or given outside of true love is no more than a sounding gong (1 Cor. 13, Eph. 4:15). The foundation and empowerment of all truth is God’s true selfless love made visible, unfolded, opened out – through His people.
GOD created mankind with the freedom of choice, thus giving them the capacity to love. GOD IS LOVE, by choice, by nature and loves all with an everlasting, principled love. That love, though tenacious, constant and forever, respects our freedom of choice, and will in deep love allow us to experience partially and eventually fully, the results of our freely arrived at choices —whether for or against that love. He is constantly inviting, encouraging, nurturing an appreciative, willing, joyful, growing, chosen response to that love. Trying, hoping, before it’s too late, to awaken a love response in those who have their back turned and eyes closed to His exhibited love. Though God loves and blesses His children who ignore, or rebel against His love, He longs to give them greater blessings, yet withholds knowing they would be used only to their detriment, their harm. He rejoices when and with those, who turning from rebellion, respond affirmatively to His love —with growing love—bringing Him the great joy of granting richer blessings.
YET WHAT IS THAT LOVE? A love, I’ll attempt to point out, that is 180 degrees from what we earthlings term love. A love that Paul calls “THE GREATEST OF THESE”. Let’s look at THE ANATOMY OF TRUE LOVE – It’s deconstructed form and its renewal. Something we desperately need.
LOVE -TRUE LOVE – SELFLESS LOVE – OTHER-CENTERED LOVE is the most valued reality in the universe and the most phenomenal and rare event on earth. It infinitely exceeds the value of all of earth’s gold, silver, precious metals, gems and power combined. True love is concurrently both delicate and tenacious, fragile and indefatigable as well as the most powerful force in the universe . Composed of at least seven delicately intertwined, freely granted emotions: the emotions of Admiration, Respect, Trust, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Affection, Submission all of which can only exist in the milieu of freedom.
The first three emotions, admiration, respect and trust can only be earned, recognized and granted freely by us, or to us. The last four, forgiveness, gratitude, affection and submission, can not be earned— only granted, freely given— by us, or to us.
The first, Admiration- is to regard with approval.
Respect – is to regard with esteem (great value).
Trust – is confidence and reliance on the integrity and commitment of a person. Integrity is the uncompromising adherence to moral and ethical principles.
Forgiveness – is ceasing to feel resentment while offering pardon for a real or supposed offense.
Gratitude – is being deeply appreciative of kindnesses and benefits received.
Affection – is a fond attachment leading to tender devotion.
True submission – is to willingly, joyfully defer to another.
The first three, admiration, respect, and trust can be earned by many, but come into being only when recognized and granted freely by you, or too you by another, which can be many.
Forgiveness is only given, never earned – yet rejoices in an apology, in confession, in sorrow that works repentance. Repentance meaning a 180 degree turn.
Gratitude warmly recognizes that which has and is being freely given and is itself freely given. Gratitude is not merely verbal – which is courteous and pleasant. Nor merely enacted – which is generous and noble. Gratitude in reality is a living attitude akin to grace. True love cannot be without gratitude given.
Affection, the sixth emotion of love, again is only given and can be given to many (yet a lesser many), and especially growing to those who personally, affirmatively, respond with reciprocal admiration, respect, trustworthiness, trust, forgiveness, gratitude and affection. A growing bilateral love relationship. Affection can be given to mothers/fathers, spouses, sons/daughters, grandfathers/grandmothers, friends, neighbors! – Love your neighbor as yourself. And who is your neighbor? – any one who needs your help ( see Lk. 10 ). Each category becoming a more general affection, but still affection.
The seventh emotion is submission. The love of true friendship begins with the unilateral granting of the preceding six emotions, growing to completeness in bilateral admiration, respect, trustworthiness/trust, forgiveness, gratitude and affection, followed by submission. Yes, angels submit joyfully to their given position and work in heaven. Unreserved, joyful, ongoing submission is available only in true selfless love. It originates vertically with the individual and his Creator God, and then to each other, yes, there is a real sense in which we submit to one another – “out of reverence for Christ” Eph. 5:21 tells us. Then in an earthly subset of true submission that gains further earthly depth between two in a male/female relationship. Two in a lifetime partnership commitment, to give the deepest earthly life to these seven emotions, in a Creation designed and instituted procreative, bonding.
True love is based on selflessness, and consists in freely giving and/or being freely gifted by another of these seven emotions. This true love, steadfast, selfless, serving love produces peace and joy.
2 Thess. 3:16 says, “May the Lord of peace give you peace at all times.” Peace being an end product of selfless, steadfast love. The New Testament calls this agape love. A principle and principled love. The only other word used for love in the NT is —phileo – which holds the denotation of — to like — and is, in this limited definition appropriately an integral part of selfless agape love.
Evil’s forgery of love is based on self, thus selfishness. At its best it results in the tearing out of phileo love from selfless agape love, then making it a 50-50 self-centered love – “I’ll rub your back if you’ll rub mine”. This makes evils forgery consist of expecting, grasping, demanding and forcing the external trappings of these seven pure emotions. This forgery always ends in pain, sorrow, loss, emptiness, and fear thus comprising the continuing de-construction of faulty earthly love to total self-centered eros.
Attempts to obtain, in any way, one or all of the seven emotions and/or their results from another human being, other than being earned as per the judgement of another and/or freely granted/gifted as per the others free choice, demolishes not only the one emotion but the whole, replacing these emotions individually and collectively with the emotion of fear.
With the self centered emotion of grasping greed, and fear of loss, the perpetrator starts the illicit grasping, leading to fear of the perpetrator in the recipient. —— Yet in “perfect/true love” – the admiration, respect and trust earned, and via another’s judgement – trust given, forgiveness, gratitude, affection and appropriate submissions bestowed – “casts out all fear,” there being no loss, thus no fear in (true) love. 1 John 4:18.
The tenth commandment given in Holy Scriptures reveals that to find peace and happiness one cannot covet. To covet means entertaining the desire for things that are not yours. For true love’s forgery, that means wanting admiration, respect and trust without earning these, instead of letting them come to you only by the other’s freely given valuation. This coveting leads to demanding trust and forgiveness, demanding gratitude, affection and submission. This leads to the breaking also the 8th commandment in their attempts to steal/force the external results of these seven emotions. This forcing causes stress chemicals in both the perpetrator and the forced. Thereby shortening the end caps or telomeres on their DNA’s. The length of the end caps more closely predicts the length of life than chronologic age. Thus this stress results in shorter lifespans – breaking the 6th command not to kill – suicide/homicide. God never asks or commands us to do anything except it be for our best good Deut. 10:13! So He has asked us to, “Love one another as I have loved you” John 15:12.
Do you sense the delicate intertwining of these earned/granted/freely given emotions of true value in mutual love? The earned and freely gifted realities of admiration, respect and trustworthiness? The freely given emotions of trust, of forgiveness, of proper affections and submissions? Each given only by free choice, to us by the other, and us to them? Each emotion working to foster the same emotion in the other as love begets love 1John 4:19. These emotions are like an ephemeral dance of unilateral then bilateral freely given emotions that together blossom openly as a delicate yet indefatigable, fragrant lily of mutual love.
Among the multiplicity of paths that self-centeredness vainly uses to obtain any or all of these emotions of true love, the three most devastating are the paths blazed by Eve, Cain, and Lucifer. The first is the path of distrust: a path the Eve of Genesis 3 took, directly annihilating her self-less love as none of true love’s emotions can exist in an atmosphere of distrust. This self-centered path commonly leads (as it did with Eve) to attempted transference of guilt – in her case – to the serpent then to God Himself. When one denies / excuses / justifies / rationalizes their actions or blames others in any form, they give up their power to change. It was the 13th century Persian poet Rumi who wrote: “Yesterday I was so clever, I knew the world needed changing. Today I am wise so I’m changing myself.” Of note here is an 8 yr. Finnish study reported in 2015 demonstrating that distrust leads to a 3x increase of dementia in its holder. J.H. Sammis said it right —“Trust an obey for there is no other way to be happy.”
Additionally there’s the spectrum path of envy, impatience, irritation, aggravation, anger – occurring in thought, in feelings, in tone, in words, or in action. These common defense tools of self-centered evil, batter mercilessly the delicate emotions of love. This self-centered path was blazed by the Cain of Genesis 4 and led to the physical murder of his brother Abel. It is the spirit of Satan that is revealed in envy, impatience, irritation, accusing and anger. Even if the other person did wrongly – in your eyes or in reality,— wrong cannot be conquered with wrong, or the pointing out of wrongs. That’s why God shared in Eph. 4:31 to “get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger” NIV – and translated in the Jerusalem Bible, “never have grudges against others, or loose your temper or raise your voice to anybody….or allow any sort of spitefulness.” A caution here— do not halt on the first step noted in vs . 26 of not letting “the sun go down on your anger” in conquering this pathway of loves demise, but carry on to vs. 31 and get rid of all anger’s spectrum. Scientifically, the aggravation, irritation, anger impatience ( AIAI ) syndrome, once started – without a miracle— continues throughout life and via the witches brew of internal chemicals it causes, shortens the life of the holder by more than 7 yrs. as attested to by numerous long term medical studies. Yes, the AIAI syndrome gives more reliable damage to its holder than to its recipient. Christ while on earth put it this way in Mt 5:5, “the meek will inherit the earth” translated – those who endure injury, real or supposed, with patience and without resentment will inherit the earth – they will not destroy themselves!
The third other-centered love destroying path is the all too common path of jealousy. Mankind’s jealousy lives on coveting and distrust, magnifying doubts in the face of obvious reality to the contrary, thus becoming a madness as realized by Lucifer in heaven, wanting/coveting what he had not earned or appropriately not been given. It was Lucifer who first blazed the path of jealousy. Jealous first of the attention given the Son— then of the Father — yes, wanting to be like the MOST HIGH. And jealousy, once ensconced in a person increases with time, and as with Lucifer, leads to malice, hatred and rebellious action. Its been well noted that with jealousy an angel, a man or woman places poison in their own banquet. Again there’s been a twist – man’s jealousy is focused on self, God’s jealousy (Ex. 20:5) is for other’s best good. It was the 19th English author, A. Helps who observed, “All other passions condescend at times to accept the inexorable logic of facts; but jealousy looks facts straight in the face, and ignores them utterly, and says she knows a great deal better than they can tell her.” And 16th century Shakespeare noted, ”Trifles light as air, are to the jealous confirmations as strong as proofs of holy writ.”
These three are the broadest and most devastating of all self-centered emotional paths that lead to the death of true love or any love. Paths, though defined by the dominate self-centered emotion, are commingled. Distrust, jealousy, and impatience, irritation, aggravation, anger: too dally on any of these paths is to partake deeper and deeper of the spirit of the adversary.
Since it is pride, the pride of the wanderer on these paths of self-centeredness, that blocks their own way back, refrain from putting a foot on them, or in humility before God, and with His power, return immediately from any/and or all of these paths. God offers the invitation now, the forgiveness now, the healing grace now, and the power. Always remember the direction to your problems solution is not horizontal … not he, not she, not they, not it. The solution to your problem is vertical— and the distance between the problem (any problem) and its true solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor.
Earth’s disingenuous forgery of true love is based on self and self’s grasping greed – I like, I want, I demand, I desire, I expect, I need, give me, mine, you owe me and is infused and wrapped in fear. Fear of loss and fear of the perpetrator is in this false love. An entity given the same name —love— but the polar opposite —180 degrees— of divine selfless, other-centered love. That’s why this world needs a demonstrated message of God’s true love, otherwise how will they know of what we speak! This earthly, self-centered forgery of “love” is focused on demanding, grasping for the seven emotions and their results without earning and being gifted of them. Phileo love when twistingly removed from agape love shrinks in size and transparency, and becomes darkened with selfishness—I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine or visa versa —and you didn’t do it as long as I did! — You owe me! Thus earthly phileo love, darkened with selfishness becomes a sister of hate. Put another way— selfish love stares at, desires and grasps for, a face, a body— but agape love engages the mind while scanning the soul.
—A short digression; men— our greatest inter-gender test is to remain trustworthy—a man of integrity— uncompromising adherence to moral and ethical principles. That’s what it means to be a man! —Women: one of your greatest inter-gender tests is to be modest— not tantalizing, tempting, enticing, alluring which could lead another into loss of theirs (and your) integrity thus trustworthiness. You are your brothers keeper! —end of digression-
Heaven’s way hold delights for us that far exceed the peevish, stunted substitutes of the transient thrills of this world. The grasping for these illicit thrills in our crazed world most often is for the hormonally bonding subset of submission, which without the preceding six emotions, properly obtained and gifted, always ends up empty, with only transient deceptive illusions of all these other-centered, freely given selfless seven emotions. Leaving the fear of loss and self-preservation as partners in the relationship.
The Greek called this further perversion — eros — An event removed from all earned and freely granted unilateral and bilateral emotions of true agape love. Eros is a term appropriately not used in the Bible since it is not even a part of true love.
True love, selfless love, other-centered love is the motivational / attitudinal factor / the source behind / through, and the cause of, God’s character attributes. Attributes such as gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, compassion, hope, humility, meekness, brotherly / sisterly affection, steadfastness, mercy, patience, forgiveness……. to a total of 21 shared throughout Holy Scripture. All flowing out of His selfless love, and all can be, through the Holy Spirit in us motivated by His love- in total His character— bringing real peace and lasting joy. Christ, His love, His character in us— our internal glory, verily the kingdom of heaven in us now— which / Who—is our hope of the soon to come kingdom of external glory Colossians 1:27!
True selfless love can and does exist unilaterally, and is termed in Greek, agape love (a word rarely used in their culture). A love that looks beyond faults and actions as it deals with the unfathomable intrinsic value of each individual in the sight of God.
God’s True agape love has Admiration because each is a phenomenal creation, unique in the universe.
God’s True agape love has Respect because you/they are a child, a son, a daughter, a descendant of God.
God’s True agape love has Trust : trusting hope, that with invitation, you/they will turn to the right, too life, and live your/their potential of trustworthiness.
God’s True agape love has Forgiveness: in the Eternal heart forever — yet realized in the open only when and where sin exists.
In God’s agape love there is always deep Gratitude for you and for that which has and is being freely returned.
In God’s agape love there is Affection: fond attachment, tender regard, because all are, like you, part of God’s family and God will sacrifice anything to help.
Though true agape, principled love, exists unilaterally, God still looks forward to, and deeply appreciates those, who in response to His selfless love, return a growing agape love – selfless admiration and respect of Him, trust Him, accept forgiveness and return gratitude, exhibiting a selfless affection and submission to Him in the joyful realization that He is for them. And if He be for us who can truly be against us?…Of whom do we need to be afraid Rom 8:31? And it is by submission that God can work in us both to will and to do His good works Philippians 2:13. Both channels of true love – the unilateral channel and the bilateral channel can function concurrently, each enhancing the other vertically and horizontally.
That love – true love – selfless, other-centered love is the foundation and totality of the government and kingdom of heaven, personified by Elohim (God – single in meaning, pleural in form). And God wants to establish it in you on this earth. That true love comes to it’s full beauty on earth when shared between two in an atmosphere of mutual admiration, mutual respect, mutual trustworthiness and trust, unilateral forgiveness— that nurtures sorrow, confession, repentance —and forgiveness accepted. Mutual gratitude for who the other is and what they have done, along with mutual joyful acceptance of given affection. Then in the most intimate one on one lifetime committed horizontal relationships – intimate submission. And lest it go un-understood, the ultimate gift in submission is self-sacrifice, as demonstrated vertically, even to the sacrifice of all. Though all this is rare on this earth, it is now, in you, possible because of His submissive sacrifice— of all— for you. Submission in the purity (trustworthiness) of true selfless love is never a burden but always a continual bilateral increasing joy.
Another digression—Some say only wives are to submit — men take note — we are to love our wives as Christ loves the Church—submitting even as He —to the full sacrifice of Himself for us.
These emotions that make up true love and the character traits that compose and flow from it are the most phenomenal gift God can give and gives to each willing heart – and it’s by the Holy Spirit. A gift beyond value, given as a foretaste, and a promise to reinstate each one who has chosen to turn from their selfish-love, and to be a part of true selfless, other-centered love – beginning on earth – back into the kingdom of total selfless love, with He who is love in the soon-coming kingdom of full glory. A kingdom that can, yes, begin now as gratitude fills your heart, and the active virtues of selfless love makes fragrant your life.
To obtain this true love, this selfless love, one need only to come humbly, to the God of love, ——through Jesus. Come asking for the Holy Spirit to kindle the flame and reproduce in you the fullness of this forever love. —Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Your ears, your nose? No! Your eyes. Eyes speak louder than words and can go where words can not. Eyes beholding His eyes. Eyes speaking of admiration, respect, trust, forgiveness, gratitude, affection and submission. Yes He gave and gives His all for you.
Christ’s last public prayer before the cross ended in John 17, and we’ll end with these words to His Father – in the last half of vs. 26- “that the love with which you have loved me may be in them,” spoken twice —that’s what we’ve been looking at. True selfless other-centered love. A love, the inverse, the antithesis of what we and all others have been duped to know in this world. —“that the love, with which you have loved me, may be in them.” Then Jesus, ending His prayer, speaks about what will flow out of that love— “and I (my character) in them,” vs.26.
This is true Christianity — forgiveness yes, then God’s true selfless love reproduced in a person, with the resultant outflow of Christ’s character. The essence which may be seen as the composition of that love, made available to us, and in us, and through us, by the Holy Spirit.
The last message from heaven to this dying world will be a message of God’s true selfless love, unfolded, made visible. A love this world does not know —until you, until I, until we— make it visible.
LIFE EXCOGITATIONS 